Best Of: Suspended or Not?

If you’ve listened to our show long enough you can probably recall our segment “Suspended or Not?” It was one of the first bits on the show (which was quickly stolen by another show) where listeners would send in their craziest firehouse stories, and we’d determine if it was worth a suspension or not. Because what’s a firehouse without a little shenanigans?

It’s been a while since we’ve had any submissions, so we figured we’d take a trip down memory lane. By the way, if you have any crazy stories for us, send them our way! All anonymous of course! Here’s a breakdown of some of the best ones.

The Fireworks Incident:

One night out of boredom, a group of firefighters thought it would be funny to blow off a 4 inch mortar behind the firehouse. The only issue was that this was a Wednesday night in the middle of the summer. The blast was so loud that it ricocheted off the hills of the high school next door, and also set off the blast alarms in the bank adjacent to the firehouse. This prompted a police response. Not just any police response, but an Emergency Services Unit and K-9 Unit. People in the surrounding neighborhoods were calling 911 to report an explosion in the area as well, and the firefighters thought they were done for.

All that being said, the fire department itself never got called out to the report, the police determined there was no issue at the bank, and the firefighters never got any phone calls about it. Due to that fact, we determined no harm, no foul, and voted no suspension.

Probie Prank:

At a firehouse event after everything was cleaned up, a probie played a prank on a senior medic and got him good! After putting blood capsules in his mouth, the probie stumbled his way over to the unsuspecting medic with fake blood dripping down his chin. When he asked the probie what happened, they started mumbling as more fake blood came spurting out from their mouth. The medic immediately jumped into action. He pulled the probie to the bench he was sitting on and immediately yelled for another firefighter to grab the med bag, and that he thought he was having a seizure. However, when nobody else seemed to react the way he did, he quickly realized that he was the only one not laughing.

After the jig was up, the probie got up from the bench laughing and told the medic “Sorry. I had to!” Unfortunately the uptight medic was not amused and began to berate everyone involved, and he threatened to go to the chief's office to make a formal complaint. Luckily, the chiefs thought it was funny, and so did we! Therefore, no suspension!

Building a Car Inside the Firehouse:

A solid throwback prank that probably couldn’t be duplicated today. A fire department on Long Island was getting ready for their installation dinner. They asked a neighboring department to provide standby coverage at their firehouse while they were away. As the night went on and boredom ensued, the firefighters from the neighboring department were scheming up a prank for the other firefighters to come back to. Low and behold there was a training car sitting in the back parking lot, and that's when the lightbulb in their heads went off. The firefighters quickly took apart the car and walked it piece by piece upstairs in the firehouse where they re-assembled it. When the firefighters returned that night, they found a full car parked in their meeting room.

Back in the day, that was looked at as a great prank. The firefighters took pictures of it before they took it apart, and everyone laughed about it for years. Since it was good in their eyes, it was good in ours. No suspension!

Saran Wrap Poop Incident:

Again, one night at the firehouse when the firefighters were bored they decided it was time to cause some trouble. For whatever reason, the saran wrap was out on the kitchen table which became the main focus of the prank. Now, this isn’t a brand new prank. This is a classic joke that has been going on for years. The idea? Open the toilet seat and put saran wrap over the bowl, then close the lid. The point is that a person will come in, open the lid, and see right through the saran wrap, take a piss, and it will splash all over. The firefighters left that night, and the next morning the victim came in for his morning poop. For some odd reason, this toilet seat was a little more elevated than most are, so when the person sat down, they didn't feel anything on their cheeks. As he did his business, his own poop came swirling up like an ice cream cone on the saran wrap and gave him a warm surprise.

This person was furious, and reported it to the chief’s office which then opened up an investigation into the incident. Fortunately for the pranksters, the chiefs couldn’t find the perpetrators and the case was closed. Because of how ridiculous the prank turned out, we determined there was no need for a suspension.

The Probie That Doesn’t Hit Hydrants:

This one was a fan favorite and wound up being our suspension of the year! (Even though there wasn’t an actual suspension.) At the fire academy during the probie hands-on training, the instructor was giving out assignments to the new firefighters. One lucky probie was tasked with being the hydrant man, to which he objected and told the instructor “I don’t hit hydrants”. We’re pretty sure the entire class gasped when those words left his mouth. We have no idea what type of example the instructor made of this kid at that moment, but we do know that a call was made to his chiefs who were not at all pleased.

The reason the probie said that was because he was part of the Truck Company (Ladder & Rescue) where there was an ongoing joke that “They don’t hit hydrants”. Unfortunately this probie thought that was the truth, and never confirmed it with anybody. He never got suspended, but he got a stern talking to from his officers. I'm almost positive that every drill night for the rest of his probation he was told to dress a hydrant. We agreed on the punishment, so technically no suspension, but pretty damn close!

___

I think legally we have to say we don’t condone this type of behavior, but that doesn’t mean we won’t take more submissions and talk about them on the show!

But for real. Don’t try and do something stupid just to hear us laugh about it on the podcast. We like hearing authentic funny or crazy stories to stir up some fun conversation. If you have any good ones, you can send a form through our contact page on our website.

Thanks for following along with us, and stay safe!